the more things stay the same, the more i want them to change

The Quest Continues... dun dun DUN!

I keep meaning to post an update on the pregnancy quest. I was feeling very negative about the whole thing a few weeks ago when I realized we've been trying for 12 months. Plus all the weird symptoms making me think I was pregnant that last 3 out of 4 cycles. Plus the fucking temperature taking has had ridiculous results - my results were more consistent in the first months AFTER the Pill - It's been a year, I should be all "normal" by now! So glad I went to the Gyno two weeks ago.

I went into her office feeling like the quest was over, that it wasn't going to happen. I left with a feeling of hope and a plan: try Clomid for up to 2 months (helps stimulate ovulation), have sperm tested, come back in 2 months if not pregnant to schedule a "dye study". They will shoot dye into my hoochie and look at it on xray or ultrasound (can't remember what she said exactly) to see where the dye goes: if the dye just stays there it means there is an obstruction of my fallopian tubes, if my tubes are good (open tubes = egg can travel to get fertilized and implanted in the uterus) then the dye will start to "leak" through and out the ends of the tubes. The dye is delivered by some small something that is inserted in your uterus, so we both knew I was going to try the clomid for a bit to see if the test could be avoided.

Unfortunately, by the time I got home that night with my prescription, I had somehow decided in my mind that she had said we would try Clomid for the first time next month. On day 5 of my cycle, I thought about it again and realized there was no logical reason to wait, so I must have remembered wrong. I was supposed to start the clomid on day 3 and go for 5 days, then start testing for ovulation 9-10 days later. However, the prescription bottle said to start on day 5, so that's the day I took my first dose. I think I may have messed up further by not taking them as close to 24 hours apart as I should have: some nights 6pm, some nights 11pm - midnight for most.

So lets get on to Cycle Day 9: 97.4* (down from 97.9* previous day) last day of Clomid, Negative OVulation Test, small cramp on the left from my uterus, nausea, felt foggy and exhausted all day, bloated and slow, back to bed from noon to 5pm

CD 10: 98.1* (spike!), negative OVT, some light nausea, good energy day

CD 11: 97.8* (another drop?!), neg OVT, stomach upset from previous night's homemade lasagna, nausea

CD 12: 97.7*, neg OVT, woke @ 4:40am with severe nausea, right side cramping, and gas. By 10am stomach was better, but nausea persists and cramps were worse - tempted to take pain medication. By late afternoon the cramping was so bad I took a nap after crying in bed. Realized that latest bought of nausea (every day at least one slight episode) is accompanied sometimes with a slight dizzyness if I turn my head too fast when walking, and also that the nausea starts a few moments after standing. I feel fine laying down or sitting up. Feeling of being really full and/or bloated persisted all day - scale thinks I gained 5 pounds over the weekend!

CD 13: forgot to test for Temp, negative OVT, woke @ 4am with severe cramping, nausea, and that bloating that makes me feel like an enormous, waddling beast. Google produced results that this can be a symptom of 1st few weeks of pregnancy, and some women feel cramps off and on during their pregnancy. Kind of freaked out now, since I thought I was going to get 9 months of relief while pregnant! Feeling real anxiety over not being able to take pain medication.

So what now? We're doing the Clomid + OV Testing because we think I'm not ovulating regulary. And yet on clomid my temps are still wacky, and I haven't ovulated yet. Thing is, the test is supposed to be negative TWO DAYS before you ovulate. So I'm cramping and sick and not even 48 hours within ovulation??

I'm not feelin' the love, uterus. Can we call a truce?

ps: I should add (because I think K will be reading this) that I didn't reread the fertility book like she suggested, which is dumb of me because I could easily have gotten things muddled in my mind about how this works. The only reason why I didn't was because I was going to stop taking my temperature completely. But when GYNO gave me the Clomid prescription that brings on ovulation, I thought it would be a good chance to compare my temperatures with the positive OV Test. (un)Lucky me, no positive test yet!

pps: forgetfulness persists - when my sis-in-law asked what I got her mom for Christmas, I totally blanked. She had to remind me that she had suggested I make mother's jewelry and that's when it came back to me that indeed that's what I was working on doing. Hand dexterity/weakness/pain persist - did 10 minutes of wire wrapping last night before giving up - with only one earring about 85% done.

ppps: I made 2 sales yesterday!! After the 2 week dryspell - woohoo! Subtract yesterday's Showcase advertisement and the one last week (that gained me no +Fav or sales), and the sales just about cover the cost of materials used in both pieces. If you sell on Etsy, do NOT use the item-specific jewelry sections - as I suspected, who is going to take the time to do 2nd level search when they can just look at Jewelry with one click. Also frustrated with Etsy for what I think is poor placement of the links to showcase, and general lack of advertising them.

pppps: if anyone reading this sees Bryan, let him know I said happy birthday - for once I'm not envious of him being a month older than me! It's tempting to do it myself, but I'm taking a break from FB right now.



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Reader beware, I make no apologies for speaking the truth, no matter how shocking. So here's a list of taboo you might see here: sexuality, bisexuality, lesbianism, atheism, ex-Catholic ranting, stories of childhood abuse, wacked-out left-wing theories and philosophies, and feminist thought. And I like the words "cunt" and "fuck" a lot.