the more things stay the same, the more i want them to change

Yesterday was an amazing day

Yesterday was an amazing day.  I woke up with energy, which was boosted by the news that I had sold a necklace. I spent a good chunk of time that morning on shortening the necklace and then packaging it up for shipping. Then I took a shower, brushed my teeth, actually worried about what to wear, and put on some jewelry. I left the house on time and arrived at my appointment with plenty of time to get settled in before the session started. I love it when I'm the first person to arrive. Wherever I go, I'm usually the last or the first to arrive, but hardly ever just right on time!

I found this support group for people dealing with chronic illnesses, where I signed up for a class to learn some constructive means of coping and staying on top of managing your own health care. This was the 2nd session. It's unfortunate that there are only 2 of us right now - there have been many possible additions, but they've all been stymied by the middle-of-the-day session schedule. If you know someone who lives with chronic illnesses, let me know!

There were so many thrilling moments of personal revelations, I don't know how to possibly convey it all here. The wonders of new medications and finding new people who understand what I'm going through!

I have no idea why there is a general reluctance in society to seek counseling. There is so much power in having a conversation with someone who listens without judgement. The act of speaking out loud seems to get your brain to re-examine  your words. If something is troubling you, your mind worries at it, tries to examine it and come up with solutions, and then continues to rethink over and over the same line of attack on this problem you don't know how to solve. But spitting it out, seems to bump your brain out of its rut, so you can see different lines of thinking about your problem, which allows for solutions to come to you "out of nowhere". Having someone there to listen, you weigh your words purposefully, and that can be a really big jolt out of your rut. Hearing someone rephrase your problem in their own words, that can be a huge help as well.

Therapy, or at least what I have experienced, isn't about spilling your guts and then someone telling you what to do next. It's about saying things out loud so you can listen to yourself, take the time without other distractions or societal pressures or judgements to have a real conversation with yourself. There just happens to be an impartial referee in attendance. I've heard too many times the excuse that "saying it out loud doesn't help." Well I call shenanigans. When was the last time you actually spent an hour doing nothing but talking about yourself and whatever happens to be on your mind without worrying about what the listener will think or say? Try it out twice. Once, to get your words out and get comfortable with the process and your listener. Then a few days to digest what you said. And then another session to come back and talk about how time has affected your view of the situation. Because something will have changed. Probably something tiny, so maybe you don't notice. But the listener will notice and point it out. All it takes is one experience of realizing how helpful changing the way your brain tries to solve a dilemma, and the lesson will sink in. You'll start analyzing your own thought processes. You'll start wondering if you've really thought about every possible scenario/factor/possibility. Not 24/7. But sometimes. In small ways.

It's not about finding hallelujah, I'm a genius, huge revelation moments. It's about nudging your brain in a small way so you are more likely to see those revelations coming.

And now I have completely hijacked my own train of thought, without getting to the really wonderful bits! So I'll be brief (I swear!)

I made a real connection with my companion attendee, so we went to a café for some good conversation.

I stumbled over a concrete definition of my own personal brand of spirituality. And admitted to myself that yes, it is spirituality and yes that's weird for me, but that's ok.

I had a pretty yummie caramel Frozen Treat.

I mailed my package with a half hour to spare before the post office closed!

I had a long, leisurely walk on the beach in Edmonds, reveling in feeling good about myself, and my choices, for a change.

I came home and made dinner for my husband and it only took a half hour.

We played the new Borderlands expansion - wo0t!

When the ending of "Sons of Anarchy" pissed me off, I realized how it was affecting my mood, told myself it was fiction, and put it behind me.

I went to bed and slept well, waking up with energy again today. The End.



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Reader beware, I make no apologies for speaking the truth, no matter how shocking. So here's a list of taboo you might see here: sexuality, bisexuality, lesbianism, atheism, ex-Catholic ranting, stories of childhood abuse, wacked-out left-wing theories and philosophies, and feminist thought. And I like the words "cunt" and "fuck" a lot.