the more things stay the same, the more i want them to change

CD 13, Lupron Day 3

CD 13, Lupron Day 3

Awake & out of bed by 6:20am. What is up with this new sleep schedule of mine? Recently shifted to being restless starting between 2-4am. Wake and roll over and sleep and wake and roll over and... Blargh. Anti-depressants? Hormones?

So far, the Lupron hasn't knocked me back emotionally like it did last time - keeping fingers crossed I don't devolve into a blubbering wreck again! I think the replacement of Celexa for Prozac has been very helpful. I fall back, but I don't fall back as far or for as long. I pick myself up quicker, and actual "happy" baseline mood is possible. Talk about crazy! When you're baseline mood is holding on to the edge of the plateau of medium by the ragged tips of your fingers, finding yourself capable of happiness for no reason is... very new territory.

I'm still striving for that peace and lightness from last Fall's trip to the seaside. I try to be patient, trying to gently remind myself that the only way to get there is to not try too hard.

Right now, not much to report, other than I finally believe the diagnosis of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Yesterday's entry was really difficult with 1 hand in a brace and the other asleep! I couldn't find the temporary one I had bought for my left hand, but stumbled upon my old weight-lifting gloves that I bought to reinforce my wrists when I discovered the only thing keeping me back from more weight was wrist pain. Maybe I should have gotten tested for CTS then? Anyway, just putting on that glove fixed the problem. I had to snip the ends so more of my finger tips were exposed, and typing still wasn't easy, but at least it wasn't painful!

Oddly, this morning my right thumb is falling asleep. With my brace on. *sigh*



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Reader beware, I make no apologies for speaking the truth, no matter how shocking. So here's a list of taboo you might see here: sexuality, bisexuality, lesbianism, atheism, ex-Catholic ranting, stories of childhood abuse, wacked-out left-wing theories and philosophies, and feminist thought. And I like the words "cunt" and "fuck" a lot.